I Hate Birds, But I Love Bird Meetings

Written October 3rd, 2025 - Entry: Eight

Category: Poem

I hate birds but I love bird meetings.
There was a lady in Hawaii I call the bird lady — she was covered in pigeons and all kinds of birds all over her, her head, shoulders, the wing span of her arms while she held them out.
And for some reason my friends, it made me want to barf.
So from then on I hate birds
And have a fear of them.
Not only do I not like them, they’ve started to pick up that I do not like them.
I was on another trip and for the first time ever had a bird literally dive-bomb me — and then after my screeching he pooped all down my back. I have picture proof, don’t worry.
So please if you know me and care about me do not feed the birds around me — if they flock to me I will make you pay.
Guys sometimes it is a bit
But sometimes it’s actually not.
And don’t get me started on those chicken trucks that run all over northwest Arkansas — literal semi’s filled with chickens so crammed you can’t decipher their butts from their jugular (the red thing).
And just when I started to finally build a good relationship with them, they do some crazy crap — and I’m done.
My parents always ask me when we see a new bird, “What about that one, he looks so nice?”
Nope — simply not.
And what the heck is up with them evolving from reptiles? Like — that’s weird.
But again to say, I hate birds, but I love bird meetings.
Some of my mom’s favorite memories with me were when she would drive me downtown to my pre-k everyday and would just listen to me talk and talk and talk about all my little tot ideas.
And little me in the back looked out the window one day and saw a flock of birds standing along the telephone wire — and I called it a bird meeting.
From then on that’s what we called it.
So I guess you could say, I hate birds, but I love bird meetings… because I love my mom.

(She actually just came home from a cruise with a keychain of a chicken for me — because she knows just how much I don’t like them.)